"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19 ESV
Lord,
I've had some near-panic moments today. I made the final visit to the funeral home. Thank you for providing the funds needed to pay the balance of the expenses.
Cleaning out his beautiful truck (actually Gea did that), trying to put a dollar amount on something so special to BW. I know it has to be done. He only got to enjoy the first really nice truck he had ever invested in for about 4 months before he became ill. He would be the first to say, "Nance, I don't need it anymore. Let it go."
But I hate the feeling I'm moving him out of my life, out of his home. The reality is, he's already moved out and into his beautiful forever home with You, his Heavenly Father. I'm just doing the packing up of his belongings that he truly does not need. Earthly, flawed things. Temporal things that have no place in eternity. Things another hard-working man will need here on earth.
Mandy mentioned Saturday and invited me to spend it with them at their home. Another near-panic moment. Honestly, I can't think past the time and space I'm in at any given time because I can't bear facing my future without him beside me. So I'll live in that small space in my current range of vision and inch through to the next moment as each one arrives.
Just writing these words causes a heaviness across my chest. So I'll close by thanking You, Lord, for bringing me through another day. I love You. I love and miss my sweet husband.
God, You are good because I can come to you to calm my spirit when the terror I feel won't let me look one day or even one moment ahead. Knowing You are there waiting no matter the time, no matter how often, allows me to at least look up in those moments.