WAVES AND SHADOWS July 29, 2024

November 13, 2021

"When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me."  Psalm 63:6-8 NASB

"Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; For the Lord God is my strength and song. And He has become my salvation."  Psalm 34:18 NASB

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:28 NASB

"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them."  Psalm 34:7 NASB

"The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous And His ears are open to their cry."  Psalm 34:15 NASB

There are days when the words just don't come. But I can always let You speak through Your word directly to those emotional times that leave me speechless.

I made it through today without the internal melt down, the uncontrollable tears. 

Bless Gea and Mandy. Give them peace and comfort.

I love you, Lord. Thank you for saving me, now and for eternity.

November 14, 2021

"Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3  NKJV

"The memory of the righteous is blessed..."  Proverbs 10:7 NASB

My memories of BW will be my constant companion.  Please, Lord, allow me to be really good at remembering. Please tell BW how much I love and miss him.

You brought my friend Mary LaFrance for a visit today, all the way from Washougal, WA, by way of Joplin where she was visiting her sister. She does speak with wisdom that I need to hear. She helps me laugh. She prays with the words I can't speak. She loves the friendship of our family, and we are blessed by welcoming her. 

Highland Baptist where Ken and Mandy attend had a family dinner tonight. Mandy, Ken and the boys, Ella (her husband was our pastor for 13 years), Mary and others made for a sweet time of fellowship. It brought us through another day.

I praise You for all good things and for the hope we have in our eternal home that surely can't be too far away from us. Please draw our loved ones and give me wisdom for how and when to share Your gospel message with them.

God, You are good because Your Holy Spirit speaks for us when we are unable to speak for ourselves and because we can always seek Your comfort through Your very Word. And because you bring special surprise visits from "angels unaware." 

WAVES AND SHADOWS July 23, 2024

November 12. 2021

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love..." Ephesians 1:3,4 NKJV

"May my all-consuming thoughts of You be more than of my all-consuming grief."  Bro. Tom Elliff

November 11, 2021

I get a little scared when the pain isn't there. Loving BW is my joy. You are my joy. I know You are ever present. My heart's cry is for my love and the memories of him to also be ever present, in his proper place after You. The sorrow I feel does remind me that BW is still very much with me. I'll embrace the sorrow in the moment, then carry the sweetness of him throughout the day.

November 12, 2021

Our women's ministry at First Southern hosted a beautiful dinner last night. It was special to have Mandy there with me. Sweet friends taking time to offer comfort and loving support.

Maxie, who is also in in need of support as she grieves, Marsha - such a beautiful soul, Nelda Lee, who would have let me talk as long as I dared, and as she bravely faces the grief of losing her husband (also from COVID) a year before BW. She is one of the facilitators of Grief Share that will begin in January. We sat with Pat and her daughter-in-law Alaina who know the grief of losing a grandson/son.Their family shows incredible courage and faith still.

Lord, you brought me through several painful moments yesterday. I know You will again. Thank You for being such a personal and loving God. Thank You for Jesus Christ, our Savior.

November 13, 2021

That sinking, panicky feeling still takes over at will. When I open my mouth to speak, I cry instead. You are my only hope. Days without number are stretching before me. I don't want to be like those who say, "It will never get better."  Please show me how to keep remembering BW and how to keep him alive in my heart without so much pain and anxiety. The emptiness. Only You can do the impossible.

God, You are good because You bring us through those moments of unbearable sorrow that give us courage to face the ones that will continue to come in waves, followed by times of joy, followed by grief, then joy ... And because You established Your church, a place for a family of believers to lead and to support each other in these difficult times. You are at the center of all our moments ... where joy and sorrow meet.

WAVES AND SHADOWS July 14, 2024

"He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake." Psalm 23:1-2 NKJV

TEN DAYS OF THINGS I GAINED, LEARNED, AND REMEMBER

November 16, 2021

Day 9

March 29, 1973

Our wedding day. There was no way I was going to let you out of my sight that day. Someone needed to be your guardian angel, and that someone was me.  We spent the afternoon running last-minute errands. If we heard "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" by Tony Orlando and Dawn one time that day, we must have heard it on your pickup radio 50 times. 

I gained an unforgettable afternoon of memories including "Tie a Yellow Ribbon." I think I learned the lyrics well enough to actually sing them backward, and I remember trying to keep my nerves at bay. Having you at my side that afternoon surely must have helped.

November 17, 2021

Day 10

March 29, 1973, Exchange Avenue Baptist Church

Our wedding was simple, but beautiful. I couldn't have asked for more. You had to be the most handsome groom ever as you waited for me to join you at the altar, then when you escorted me back down the aisle as your wife. The day I dreamed about for as long as I could remember. My prayers for God's choice for my husband had been answered. 

The Lord knew our marriage would last exactly 48 years, 5 months and 11 days. 

The best years of my life, filled with special times, challenges, growing pains, and more answered prayers that brought two beautiful daughters who would teach us more about life than we would ever have learned without them. Together, we would see our family grow to sons-in-law, four grandsons and one granddaughter. I'm so thankful you got to enjoy them as long as you did. Your pride as you watched them grow and in knowing who they would become as young adults must still be growing. They have so many of your amazing qualities.

My prayer is to make you proud of me as I try to carry on in this world I never would have asked for - a world without you at my side. 

I gained a lifetime of being a wife, mother, and grandmother. I learned through every trial and every blessing we shared, and I'll remember you, the unforgettable husband who gave me a life filled with my two greatest desires - being a wife and a mother (and now a grandmother). I could never ask for more.

*****

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the rest. For the sleep I've fought most of my life. I won't look back today. Your mercies are new each day. I want to honor that.

"Peace that passes understanding, down in my heart." That special place You reserved for our emotions and our deepest love. My love for You. My love for the amazing man who is now in Your presence. I'll carry it very carefully. Today. Everyday. Along with the hope I have in Jesus.

God, You are good because You give us the capacity to remember and to carry our loved ones close through those memories. You determine our days and let us live each one without that end in sight so we can enjoy life in the moment. You prepare us in ways we don't recognize for the things that are coming, yet we never want to think about.  

WAVES AND SHADOWS July 7, 2024

November 12, 2021

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37:4 NASB

TEN DAYS OF THINGS I GAINED, LEARNED AND REMEMBERED:

DAY 5

On October 31, 1971 I gained a new future when BW proposed to me. I learned (again) that God hears and answers our prayers. The memory will stay with me forever.

November 13, 2021

DAY 6

BW gained the trust and respect of my dad when he asked permission to marry me. Dad would grow to think of him as another son; BW would honor my dad as much as he did his own. I learned even more about BW when he showed this simple and traditional courtesy to my dad. I remember that our engagement was now (almost) official.

November 14, 2021

DAY 7

I was expecting an engagement ring for Christmas. BW had proposed and asked Dad for my hand. But my hopes were a little high. I gave an award-winning performance when BW handed me a gift-wrapped box that contained a pair of Acme cowgirl boots! It was the cowboy way, I guess.

Sometime between December 25 and our wedding day on March 29, 1973 we did go together to Kay's Jewelry to pick out my engagement ring and matching wedding bands. They were perfect. And (now) official. I really was going to marry my hero, this prince in a Stetson.

I gained a gift that announced our future together to anyone within seeing distance of my ring finger. I learned that "good things come to those who wait". And I'll always remember that once-in-a-lifetime shopping trip.

November 15, 3032

DAY 8

All it took to get BW to go to church with me was for me to invite him. He had been a member of Capitol Hill Baptist Church, but admitted he hadn't been in a while. He started going with me on most Sundays when he wasn't at the fire station, or when we were not at the lake with his family. He moved his membership to Exchange Avenue Baptist Church the Sunday before our wedding.

We gained the beginning of our church home together where we would begin raising our two daughters as they completed our family. We would learn more about God's Word that would draw us into a closer relationship with Him and with each other.  I remember that God answered my prayers for a godly husband.

God, You are good because You knew that the separate paths BW and I were on from the beginning would bring us together a full year after I had simply turned that part of my life over to You. You guided both of us, against many odds, to the exact time and place of our first encounter.

WAVES AND SHADOWS July 2, 2024

November 9, 2021

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore, the children of men put their trust under the shadow of your wings." Psalm 36:7

TEN DAYS OF THINGS I GAINED, LEARNED, REMEMBERED     

Day 2

My smiling husband showed no mercy when he was taking me down in Double 12 Dominoes. But to give credit where credit is due, he was always gracious when the take-down was mine. He might have even helped me out a little with that.

I remember the fun we could have, even in the  quieter moments. I learned to be a good sport. I gained from BW's example.

November 10, 2021

Day 3

Mandy took pictures at a couple of the boys' ball games. In one shot BW and I are holding hands, arms extended to reach between our canvass lawn chairs, the other one of him with his arm around my shoulders. She kidded us about our PDA's. But that was us. We usually were holding hands, or my hand was resting inside his elbow as we walked or resting on his knee when we sat - his big, strong hand covering mine. He always made me feel secure, protected. By some miracle, I still feel that protection and security. I know I always will because You promise that "(You) will never leave us or forsake us"

I remember those summer evenings with our family, watching our grandsons grow. I learned to appreciate Sonic drinks and shade. I gained strength from the nearness of BW and, now, from You.

God, You are good because we can have happiness in the small things and because You will never leave us alone.

*****

"For we know that if our earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal dwelling in the heavens, not made with hands. II Corinthians 5:1 CSB

November 11, 2021

Day 4

Today we honored our nation's veterans. BW was a crew chief in helicopter repair in the US Army Reserves during the Vietnam War. His unit was "hot" at times, but never deployed. Knowing his work ethic, he surely was a natural leader who took care of every detail and led his men honorably and efficiently. He was a hero then, and he became my hero. I'm thankful to know he was also a hero of the faith, not like Old Testament heroes, but always one in my eyes.

I remember those days of the Vietnam war and what an unsettling time that was, even before BW and I ever met. I learned to stop to appreciate and show our gratitude for all of our military and the price so many of them paid. I gained from being blessed by a strong, willing hero - even in everyday life.

God, You are good because you continue to bless a nation that should also pray for Your mercy everyday and because You answered my prayer for the husband BW always was.