WAVES AND SHADOWS April 19, 2024

October 25, 2021

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18 NASB

Lord, 

Once again the preprinted scripture for the day in this perfect journal Mandy gave me speaks to the situation, to the emotions that need to hear Your voice. Thank You for always being on time.

I told Gea yesterday that I need a purpose bigger than myself (You knew that already.)

Yesterday was the day chosen for the Deacon Ordination for the new deacons at First Southern Baptist Church. BW was surprised, but definitely honored to have been asked to serve as a deacon. He was counseled by his good friend and deacon Bennie Mason, he had completed the study materials in preparation for this new purpose in his life, we had been counseled by Bennie and Sherian as is the custom for the new couples, and attended dinner the present deacons gave for the incoming deacons and their wives. I was thrilled for BW. 

It was an ordination he missed because he had been given another new thing - his eternal home in Heaven. 

Our Pastor Keith Burkhart said he would understand if I thought it would be too much to be there the day after BW's funeral. I simply said, "How could I not be there?" I could not have missed the opportunity to represent BW at a moment he would have cherished (along with the girls and myself). Chairs were placed at the front for the new deacons and their wives as the church family quietly filed by and prayed for each one of the men and his wife. The girls and I placed three roses and the book he had studied on his vacant chair. I sat next to where he should have been. 

So many sweet souls began pouring into me the hope of a future without BW. A future of "a new thing" You were doing in my life. In Your time, I pray I will recognize Your plans for the direction of this life moving forward without my husband. It was a powerful time when only God received the glory for this much love shown in BW's memory and the support for our family.  Son-in-law Ken is a photographer. He discreetly snapped a few photos with his phone. The pictures are of those private moments, and I will always treasure the reminder of something so extraordinary.

I am so thankful Gea was still here and could attend the ordination before she had to return home and that Ken and Mandy were here. I know how proud they always were and always will be of their dad.

Please fill my heart with Jesus. Bro. Tom Elliff offered this prayer for me to remember. It's the prayer he prayed after the loss of his beautiful wife Jeannie:

     "May my continual, all consuming thoughts of You be more than my continual, all-consuming thoughts of grief for BW."

I will pray this prayer often in the weeks and months to come, as often and for long as I need to pray it.

I  don't want to be looking into tear-filled eyes of widows, telling them it will never get better. While I grieve with them and for them, I have to believe that You're bigger than our grief. I'll cry out to you in the silence and by pouring those unspoken prayers into this journal, along with the promises you show me through Your word. It's the only way I can survive. Please give me those words, scriptures, and prayers, and I'll put them to pen.

"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort."  II Corinthians 1:3

God, You are good because You are the God of all comfort.