"Blessed is the one who endures trials, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12 CSB
"We have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." 1 John4:16 ESV
Heavenly Father,
I'm into another day. I should be sleeping.
Gea is leaving for Florida in a few hours. Alone. Because she needs that time to decompress from the past three weeks.
Please protect her on the highway and at every stop especially when she checks into a motel for the night.
Please fill her car, her heart and soul with Your peace and comfort in such a way that she will know that it is from You. That has to be such a long drive after the huge loss she feels. The loss we all are experiencing. I just wish she lived close to us at this time.
I have the opportunity to release more of BW's things: His tractor and horse trailer, pipe and cable, to name only a few things. The pipe and cable and remnants of building materials and tools have no hold on my emotions. But I'm connected to the history of that tractor - not positive times, but it is part of our story. The horse trailer was a faint dream of trail rides that never happened. Releasing that dream is to send another piece of my heart on its way.
Am I going to fade out of my life as a wife to the most precious man who ever lived? Am I not only losing him, but myself?
I'm still Your child. That will never change. But I can't bear losing this one earthly role I cherish. My lifetime goal of belonging to a loving, caring, and protective husband.
Here come the chest pains again.
My heart will always be filled with the love and memories. Do I need a tractor, a horse trailer, a truck and camper to keep BW's love alive in my heart? That would mean defining our love by material things rather than our love and my need to keep him, not things, close.
And just like that, Shannon Wilcox messages me with a suggestion for sleep - a smooth stone to hold and rub to calm me and be there when I wake up - something familiar in the face of this strange place I'm still in when my eyes open.
God, you are good because You watch over our children when they are out of our reach and because You send friends in the middle of the night.
2 comments:
The deep emotions of your writing get right to the heart of the matter once again. It's a good reminder that material things don't matter in this life, but relationships do. Even though we've always heard those familiar words, "You can't take it with you", a side of me wonders when we are called "home" to Heaven, do we take with us the memories of all the good and wonderful things we experienced here on earth? Thank you for continuing to share your heart and story.
Love you,
Mary
Thank you, Mary. I love the thought of sharing those moments with loved ones. Whatever God has for us, it's going to be the very best.
Post a Comment